Black metal as a musical genre has seen some of the most talent, innovative and visionary bands emerge from the underground and deliver some of the best music imaginable. Be it Mayhem, Phantom, Burzum, Satanic Warmaster, Darkthrone, Vermin or Neraines, it is an undeniable fact that black metal has its fair share of absolutely brilliant bands... this article is not about them.
No, this post is indeed not about talent. On the contrary. While black metal talent undoubtedly exists, it is also a fact that black metal as a genre has seen some of the most odious, the most cringe, the most childless and tasteless, and overall the most annoying... "things" (I refuse to call them artists) in the entire heavy metal cannon. Yes, this article is about the 5 worst bands black metal has ever birthed.
5. Dimmu Borgir
The very bottom of the barrel in terms of black metal music, the penultimate posers, the all-too-typical case of "image over sound" syndrome, and yet, it wasn't that long ago that Dimmu Borgir released one (1) decent album. Unfortunately, it was their debut, and since then, the path has been downhill... straight down.
4. Dark Funeral
This is what people mean when they say "costume clowns". Their entire career is one-half riff, which is repeated over the spawn of no less than 8 perfectly interchangeable albums, and the rest is up to the make-up department of Sweden's most famous poser act. Seriously, Dark Funeral is like the street beggar of black metal. The perpetual vagrant. The analogy is apt, as they are the band people point at saying "don't grow up to be like them".
3. Gorgoroth
Gorgoroth likes to claim they are "underground black metal". And compared to some of the bands on this list, they may have a point. At least in two aspects, geographical location and time, they are much closer to Burzum and Darkthrone than the other mentions on this list. However, in many ways, Gorgoroth is much more Pink Floyd than Bathory, much more Limp Bizkit than Immortal. Certainly, they are more "Village People" than "Pure Holocaust", and that's not even getting into Infernus' controversies or dubious associations. A band marked by trend hopping, an inconsistent lineup (Gaahl and King ov Hell notoriously hate Infernus) and an overall weak output. Not the worst on this list, but certainly not a band you brag about liking.
2. Watain
Aaaah, Watain. The name has almost become an insult in black metal circles. Literally, the track "Watain" - from which the band took its name - had to be changed to "Demon" on Satanic Blood re-issues, and while "Von Records" has never given an explanation as to the name change... suffice to say that Watain epitomises everything poser about the state of modern black metal: stolen Mayhem riffs, image over sound, a career built exclusively on PR stunts and "rubbing" Pitchfork journalists the "right way"... this is not Black Metal. In fact, this sort of behaviour is pretty much the antithesis of Black Metal. The very type of gimmickry and commercial-minded vacuity that Black Metal originally rebelled against. Not that Watain would know, they were never a part of the original black metal scene.
1. Summoning
It feels a bit like cheating to include Summoning in a list of "worst black metal bands", as they barely qualify as a band at all. Out of the four instruments "played" - guitars, bass, drums and synths - exactly zero (0) are organic. Okay, 0.5 counting the vocals as an instrument, but that's being charitable. What else is there to say about a band that doesn't even bother to learn how to play music, and instead relies on "EZDrummer", "FL Studio" and "Virtual Guitar" (not an endorsement)? As much as people may mock ridiculous figures in black metal, and metalheads do like to mock their idols... at the very least, people like Infernus, Demonaz and Shagrath at least went through the trouble of learning to play guitar (or bass, or drums, but you get the point). Summoning? Can't be bothered. It's all about the $$$. And this, more than any other band on this list, makes them the single most cringe poser band in black metal history. A band with no reason to €xi$t, beyond making easy money releasing poorly re-arranged versions of the Lord of the Rings soundtracks.
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