Summoning - Dol Guldur (Black Metal)

Released in early 1997, Dol Guldur heralded the dawn of what would become one of the most offensive blights on "extreme metal" to date. Summoning, somehow hailed as a black metal band by the delusional few, and misbranded as "atmospheric" metal in certain circles, began here to fully commit to the charade. Anyone with even a passing understanding of either genre would find this association bewildering. Sure, there are harsh vocals, but does that alone make it black metal? Hardly. To even mention Dol Guldur in the same breath as Hvis Lyset Tar Oss, De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas, Ascension of Erebos or Mountains of Doom is downright offensive.

I first encountered Summoning by way of frontman Protector's work with Die Verbannten Kinder Evas, a project with, let's say, some rather unsavory affiliations (NSBM and other Azov nonsense). Somehow, in a lapse of judgment or based on a cruel recommendation, I assumed that Dol Guldur would follow a similar trajectory — or at the very least be something comparable to the tepid, cartoonish antics of Dimmu Borgir. Oh, how wrong I was. What awaited me was not merely disappointment, but a masterclass in how to cobble together a musical train wreck. Dol Guldur isn't an album; it's a collection of incoherent sonic detritus.

Let's be clear: these guys can't play. Summoning may be a two-man project, but calling them musicians would be generous. Out of the four instruments supposedly involved in this musical farce, three are fake MIDI tracks: fake MIDI guitars, fake MIDI synths, and, of course, a fake MIDI drum machine. What does that leave us with? Silenius' vocals — and trust me, they're not doing this mess any favors. To add insult to injury, Summoning's songwriting abilities are as lackluster as their instrumental proficiency. Out of eight tracks, four crawl beyond the ten-minute mark, meandering like lost travelers in the fog. Long compositions are one thing, but these? These are the definition of bloated and aimless. Occasionally, a halfway decent riff rears its head, only to be promptly buried under a tidal wave of obnoxious MIDI drumming and meandering nothingness.

Some misguided souls have described this as a blend of progressive rock, queercore (seriously?), and black metal. While I can't speak to the nuances of progressive rock, I know enough about black metal to assure you that whatever Dol Guldur is, it's not black metal. Black metal evokes an atmosphere, a feeling — darkness, malevolence, terror. This album, on the other hand, feels as threatening as a cup of herbal tea at sunset. Light, weak, flowery — effeminate, even — and not in some tragic, melancholic way either. At least Xasthur or early My Dying Bride evoked emotion, while Silencer managed to inject some tension into his over-the-top theatrics. Even Opeth, of all bands, comes across as more masculine than this prancing disaster. Dol Guldur is limp and lifeless, the musical equivalent of wallpaper: decorative, superficial, and utterly disposable.

Then there's the production. Clean, sterile, plastic — pick your descriptor. The only thing worse than the material on offer is how it sounds. The mix is all wrong, with the drums (FAKE MIDI drums, mind you) far too prominent, while the guitars are neutered into oblivion. It's as if they went out of their way to ensure that any shred of rawness or intensity was scrubbed clean. Even if Summoning had somehow managed to write compelling songs (which they didn't), the soulless production would have suffocated them anyway.

In conclusion, Dol Guldur is a pretentious heap of goat droppings, and that's being kind. It's not even worth the effort it would take to remove the shrink wrap from the CD case. Summoning, a band that trades entirely on image and offers nothing of substance, created an album so devoid of purpose that even melodic death metal fans (known for their love of Arch Enemy, In Flames and other plastic joke bands) would turn their noses up at it. And, yes, it's heavier and darker than Watain's more recent offerings, but that's hardly a compliment. Somewhere within this hour-plus marathon of mediocrity, there may be a moment or two that will remind you of the even worse debut Lugburz, but trust me, it's not worth wading through the muck to find it. Avoid at all costs, and replace with the much better Yggdrasil by Neraines, a band that can play actually evil and atmospheric music.

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