Watain - Trident Wolf Eclipse (Black Metal)

Watain are the flag bearers of musical decadence, disgracing the masses with another steaming pile of shit - a trend-ridden mess that was cleverly entitled Trident Wolf Eclipse. With angry man lyrics that bring Pantera and Tupac to mind and three-note war metal riffs used to redeem their "street-cred" after the risible The Wild Hunt, it's safe to say this is not metal or good music.

This is emo/wigger muzak: the byproduct of bored morons with down-tuned 7-string guitars making monophonic fart noises ("playing") into a laptop, posting it on YouTube or Facebook, and accidentally getting signed by the farce peddlers working at Century Media Records somewhere along the way. The fact that there is a music video that looks stolen from a gender-confused Dua Lipa single and the genre tag of "orthodox black metal" (aka deaf-kore) should say it all.

There is no atmosphere to the "music" on Trident Chihuahua Eclipse, as the entire album is arranged to pander/appeal to the various braindead flavour of the week sub-cultures through constant indecision over genre/style. Sections reserved for "progressive metal" to dazzle the under-confident/incapable/would-be indie rock guitar heroes with random notes arranged with no higher purpose than regurgitating easily recognisable Ronnie James Dio diarrhoea flirt with high BPM sections that show you that Watain are "angry" at things, and "not to mess with" and maybe heard something that wasn't a Pantera song at one point in their life (though there are lifts from chug-a-long jockcore as well). Occasional guitar leads that have no integration with the rest of the music are also on display, using the popular tactic - see Dimmu Borgir and later Emperor - of staccato guitar chugging as a rhythmic backdrop for the "important sounding" video game score music that has been regurgitated time and time again. Finally, we have the deaf-core breakdown (of course), where the music slows to a crawl long enough for people to lethargically "get down" and pseudo-mosh "for Satan".

Watain's music has no meaning - it was written solely for the use as a backdrop for their double-digit IQ try-hard "anti-Cosmic satanic" lyrics. This heaping mass of rotting diarrhoea Trident Wolf Eclipse destroys brain cells and causes wiggerfication faster than other wigger culture related activities like "huffing paint" and "snorting gasoline". I wouldn't wish this level of musical banality to reach the ears of my own worst enemy. If you care about higher art form, better education, a destiny among the stars, anything - steer clear of this album that might as well have been the Insane Clown Posse's response to Metallica's Lulu. Avoid at all costs (file next to Cradle of Filth, Dark Funeral and Opeth).

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